Parents of Teens – Page 2

Raising Up a Generation of Healthy Third Culture Kids

This TCK parenting book takes a proactive approach to raising children, looking at how early childhood experiences and the emotional health of the parents contribute to raising healthy kids. Lauren Wells emphasizes the very real effects that childhood experiences, especially trauma, exert in adult health.

This book is also very practical. It will teach parents how to address trauma in the moment so that the grief doesn’t pile up and have lasting effects. Different talking points, activities and conversation starters are given for children of different ages so that you have the tools you need to address issues or proactively build resilience throughout your child’s whole growing up.

If I had a complaint about this book it would be that she can focus on one segment of TCK tendencies and ignore the others. For example, she focuses heavily on the “chameleon” nature of TCKs to blend in, and less on “screamers” who refuse to conform or “wallflowers” who try to disappear during transitions. As a screamer myself, I felt rather underrepresented. She also focuses on MKs who get the itch to move every few years but I know many MKs who didn’t experience this at all. For some, they attach themselves to the first place they can settle into and never want to leave again. These TCKs may need a different kind of help.

Overall, this is an excellent book for parents, especially those parents of young TCKs who wish to build a solid foundation for their kids’ emotional health. It’s rather comprehensive without dragging itself out. Highly recommend.

Misunderstood: The Impact of Growing Up Overseas in the 21st Century

Misunderstood is a decent introductory book for those looking to better understand TCKs, written for TCKs themselves, parents, and those who care for TCKs (like counselors or those who work for the parents’ organizations). It goes into detail about the different types of TCKs (like military brats, missionary kids, etc.) and the pros and cons of different schooling options while outside your passport country.

The book is based on interviews that the author has conducted on a large sample of TCKs and included many quotes and stories to accompany each section. While this lends credibility to her book, it can also be misleading.

Being a TCK caregiver, I know many TCKs who would disagree with the generalizations that she makes. It seems she interviewed TCKs who identify strongly with their overseas experiences and have struggled in adapting to their passport cultures. She said every TCK she interviewed claimed reentry was “a particularly difficult experience” (pg. 211). I know several TCKs who would disagree and say the experience was not very difficult for them. Many TCKs adapt well to their passport culture and do not strongly identify with being a TCK, though these are probably the TCKs least likely to volunteer to be interviewed about TCK experiences.

So while the book as a whole is a good summary of TCK experiences in general, one has to keep in mind that her interview sample was likely skewed and many TCKs would say her generalizations about TCK beliefs and experiences do not fit them.

Fitted Pieces: A guide for parents educating children overseas

With over 90 essays in this collection for parents educating children overseas, it is indeed a comprehensive guide to TCK educational issues. Covering a large range of topics from choosing a national school to second-language learning to online learning, this volume will answer most questions parents have about educating their child overseas. With the essay format, it’s easy to pick which topics are most relevant to read (because at 667 pages, I doubt most people will finish the whole thing). One downside to this volume is that it is on the older side, being published in 2001, and the overseas educational world has changed in the time since its publication. Here are the essay sections covered:

Basic Pieces
Child Development Pieces
Cross-cultural pieces
Educational Development Pieces
Cross-cultural Education Pieces
Home Education Pieces
National School Pieces
Looking for some other pieces

The Road Home

“Growing up in England, ten-year old Pico never wanted to go to boarding school in the Himalayas, and despite the beauty there, he struggles to fit in. When he’s bullied for insisting he’s British in spite of his Indian heritage, he runs away, determined to return to his home in London. As he journeys through a country foreign to him, Pico encounters others who mistake him for an Indian boy, forcing him to face the painful truth that the world does not see him the way he sees himself.”

This semi-autobiographical film, shot in the Himalayas around Woodstock International School, is a masterpiece. Breathtakingly beautiful, it was shortlisted for the Oscars and nominated for the BAFTAs (Britain’s Oscar equivalent) as well as winning scores of awards at film festivals around the world. But for those who understand the experience of being a Hidden Immigrant – where how you look outside doesn’t fully match how you feel inside – it is more than a lovely movie. It is also heart-stirring. It illustrates that experience with poignancy and humor, evoking laughter and often a few tears. I have literally watched it over 100 times, and it never gets old.

The writer and director spent the first 9 years of his life in the UK and Saudi Arabia before returning to his parents’ homeland in India. The film is loosely based on his early days at Woodstock International School.

Read more about the film or watch it online for free at the director’s website

Want your own copy, or want to watch it in another language? The Collector’s DVD comes with extra features like commentaries, including one that tells the director’s own TCK story and how he came to make this film, *PLUS* subtitles in 14 languages (all translated by fellow TCKs).

Want to use the film in a TCK group, conference or classroom? The Professional DVD comes with a screening license for groups of any size *PLUS* two professional commentaries, discussion questions, and more. Purchase it from Amazon here. Parents, caregivers and educators of TCKs can order Professional DVDs at a discount by emailing Heidi Tunberg.

Dialogue: English & Hindi (with English subtitles for the Hindi)

Subtitles (DVD version): English (full dialogue), French, German, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Tagalog, Bahasa Indonesia, Thai, Greek, and Arabic

My Very Exciting, Sorta Scary, Big Move: A workbook for children moving to a new home

Though not written specifically about moving overseas, this book does an excellent job addressing kids’ feelings about moving. In full-color with adorable illustrations, it begins by explaining change and goes on to teach kid-friendly strategies for handling emotions like sadness, anger & worry using behavioral therapy techniques. Kids are given ways to try these out and encouraged to put their favorites into their “Sad Sack” “Mad Sack” and “Worry Sack” to pull out when needed. The book also does a good job helping kids say goodbye well, and covers some parts of settling in.

The content is relevant to a broad age range from young children through teens, but the format makes it best suited to elementary kids. Younger children will need parents to assist with the reading. While teens would likely consider this too childish, those with younger siblings could benefit from the strategies it teaches. Parents could orchestrate this by going through the book as a whole family “for the sake of the younger kids.”

Reading level: 6-10 years

Kids on the Move: 25 Activities to Help Kids Connect, Reflect and Thrive Around the World

Third Culture Kids live in world filled with goodbyes and cultural adjustments and they may not always know how to express and process the complicated thoughts and feelings that arise as they navigate those experiences. This book offers simple exercises that kids or teens can do to better connect with their inner experiences. It offers tools to help them gain insight and understanding and to learn healthy ways to handle their feelings.

The topics and types of activities vary widely. They include such things as recollecting favorite things, learning to problem solve, creating a family tree, reflecting on identity, constructing a life timeline and much more. Some activities are specifically related to TCK mobility or cross-cultural experiences while others are simply skills for building emotional health.

Worksheets are simply drawn. Some are suitable for younger children, especially if a parent could read the “instructions” to them. Older children or teens could work through the book independently or parents (or teachers or counselors) could go through the book with kids/teens, using the activities to spark reflection and discussion.

Reading level: 6 to 13 years