This book is rather different from other entries on this site. It’s part autobiographical and part treatise on what it means to belong. Greg Cole’s TCK background of growing up in Indonesia informs his understanding of belonging, since he grew up in a highly mobile community and his third culture-ness makes him different from most “normal” monocultural people. Another large aspect of Cole’s identity that informs his treatise on belonging is his sexual orientation and religion. As a celibate gay Christian, Cole doesn’t fit into the typical stereotypes of the LGBT+or Christian communities. Where does he really belong if he can’t find people who look and think like him? He proposes that similarities are not what tie people to each other, but that we can belong to each other in deeper ways.
I’d recommend this book to MKs and other TCKs who are struggling to “fit in” and find belonging outside the TCK bubble. For those who aren’t Christians, some of the messages about homosexuality may be unwelcome but the main points of the book are not about sexuality or arguing for or against celibacy.
This is a short but eminently practical book about helping Third Culture Kids process emotions related to grief and trauma. Lauren Wells, herself an adult TCK, applies research on the impact of Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs) to TCK experience, noting the various types of experiences that may leave TCKs with unresolved grief and pain.
She then uses the term Grief Tower to paint a picture of how painful experiences may stack up when TCKs don’t have the opportunity or support to process them. And what happens when the tower gets too high? It comes crashing down, making a tremendous mess! To prevent that, Lauren offers practical activities parents and TCKs can do to purposefully deconstruct those Grief Towers piece by piece.
This little book is quick and easy to read, and whether you are an expat parent, a professional working with TCKs, or even a TCK yourself, it is well worth your time.
Ob in der Auslands-Niederlassung einer Firma, einer Missionsstation oder einer diplomatischen Vertretung – jährlich steigt die Zahl der Kinder, die in unterschiedlichen Kulturkreisen aufwachsen. Authentisch und sorgfältig recherchiert beschreibt dieses Buch, was das Leben dieser sogenannten ‘Third Culture Kids’ ausmacht, welchen besonderen Problemen sie begegnen und welche speziellen Chancen sich ihnen eröffnen. Denn unmittelbarer als ihre Altersgenossen lernen diese Kinder sowohl die Freuden des Entdeckens als auch die Erfahrungen schmerzhaften Verlustes kennen. Es gelten andere Gesetze für ihren Reifungsprozess, sie gehen andere Wege auf der Suche nach ihrer Identität und sie sind herausgefordert, jenseits aller Ortswechsel eine Heimat zu finden. In Interviews, Gedichten und Berichten lassen Pollock und Van Reken die TCKs zu Wort kommen. Aus ihren Zeugnissen arbeiten sie die charakterlichen und emotionalen Grundstrukturen heraus, die Kinder mit diesem Hintergrund in der Mehrzahl entwickeln.
This is the German edition of THIRD CULTURE KIDS by David Pollock & Ruth Van Reken
1951: Auf einem Flugplatz in Nigeria klettert die kleine Ruth in ein Flugzeug, das sie in ein Internat bringen wird – weit, weit weg von Papa und Mama, die als Missionare für Gott arbeiten. Und sie weint. Das ist der Auftakt eines verbissenen Kampfes, mit dem sie einen Schmerz niederzukämpfen versucht, der mit jedem Abschied von ihren Lieben tiefer geht und doch so gar nicht zu einem Gotteskind passen will. Jahre später: Ruth führt ein Bilderbuchleben als Missionarsfrau und Mutter. Dennoch leidet sie unter Depressionen, Wutanfällen und bohrender Kritiksucht, so sehr, dass ihr Glaube eines Tages Bankrott anmeldet. Doch dann: „Irgendwie beugte sich Gott zu mir herunter und sagte freundlich: Ruth, ich habe die ganze Zeit darauf gewartet, dass du endlich aufhörst zu kämpfen. Ich möchte dich in die Vergangenheit zurückführen, um dir zu zeigen, wo du Verletzungen erlebt hast. Ich hielt mich an Christus fest und erlebte im Rückblick all die Gefühle, die ich mir nie eingestanden hatte. Und so schrieb ich sie auf, diese Briefe, die ich niemals schrieb.“ Briefe einer Reise hinter den Schmerz, wo Ruth van Reken Heilung fand. Und eine Hoffnung, die allen Menschen gilt, egal unter welcher Art von Verlust oder Verletzung sie leiden.
This is the German edition of “Letters Never Sent” by Ruth Van Reken
Misunderstood is a decent introductory book for those looking to better understand TCKs, written for TCKs themselves, parents, and those who care for TCKs (like counselors or those who work for the parents’ organizations). It goes into detail about the different types of TCKs (like military brats, missionary kids, etc.) and the pros and cons of different schooling options while outside your passport country.
The book is based on interviews that the author has conducted on a large sample of TCKs and included many quotes and stories to accompany each section. While this lends credibility to her book, it can also be misleading.
Being a TCK caregiver, I know many TCKs who would disagree with the generalizations that she makes. It seems she interviewed TCKs who identify strongly with their overseas experiences and have struggled in adapting to their passport cultures. She said every TCK she interviewed claimed reentry was “a particularly difficult experience” (pg. 211). I know several TCKs who would disagree and say the experience was not very difficult for them. Many TCKs adapt well to their passport culture and do not strongly identify with being a TCK, though these are probably the TCKs least likely to volunteer to be interviewed about TCK experiences.
So while the book as a whole is a good summary of TCK experiences in general, one has to keep in mind that her interview sample was likely skewed and many TCKs would say her generalizations about TCK beliefs and experiences do not fit them.
A memoir of a missionary kid processing her experience of growing up abroad, and especially of going to boarding school as a young child, “Letters Never Sent” takes the reader through a process of healing and seeking closeness with God. Written in the form of letters to her parents (the original title is more apt: “Letters I Never Wrote”), this is her story from early childhood through adulthood as the discovery that pain and purpose can co-exist begins to bring comfort & healing.
While unmasking some of the darker sides of missions and especially the family separations that often go along with it, Van Reken still honors the good in her experiences and how much she loves her and parents and loves God. She doesn’t look at her experiences in black and white but still gives helpful advice to those who are on a similar journey towards recovery and to parents of TCKs who don’t want to repeat her parents’ mistakes.
